All or Nothing

What is it that you want?
Is it a companion?
His thoughts or her presence?
The warmth of his body
Or the weight of her essence?
To feel the callouses in his hands
Or the way you feel as she moves you to dance?
My foolishness in love spells naive
As I sit here alone on New Years Eve.


My Closet

On the ground in darkness –
The crowded, closeted corner,
Closed eyes, quiet cries,
Tear drip drop into darkness –

Crouched like a child of neglect,
Suffocated – by the burden, the weight
Where heavy trench coats hung secrets
Where secrets sit in solitary silence.


Are you thankful?
For the hips that cracked –
The velvet of your mother, and her mother;

Ma, you’ve spun gold out of this hard life,
So I kneel before you,
I pray for forgiveness, for acceptance –
I fought hard to understand the evils of this world
And found a higher being before me;
I learnt the same love travels through every soul,
Like the warmth of a glowing bulb,
With the life of a raging sea –
I saw the warmth in your eyes as I struggled for air –
I chose to swim to safety –

Ma, you’ve spun gold out of this hard life,
So I dream –
Dream that same love travels through you,
As it did through me;
For now, I soak up the sun, the sand – strength

For now – I await.


I stared out into the vastness of the water –
Still – the reflection of dark moons,
Transient glistening
Distant stranger
Silent water –

Lost, I am lost; I come to the water,
I tried to step closer but there I faltered,
My reflection – I am still your daughter
Senseless slaughter
Silent water –

I carved the wound out my festering chest,
Married the warm blood and dirt
I ripped my heart out from its flesh,
I fell to the gravel beneath me,
I cried the tears of a sinner,
I sought the path of repentance,
I surrendered my soul to you –
I am lost,
Look at me,
I am lost –

I looked up, to find your vastness unmoved,
Your godliness unscathed.

I seized my heart, bruised, scratched, battered,
I ran, I threw it into the mirror,
I thought it would shatter –

A pitiful plop, then I watched it sink, swallowed.
Then all was still – only the reflection of the dark moons,
Strayed traveler
Silent water –