Sunday

I was born on a Monday,
Always first in line,
I wrote with a fine — pen
black letters,
on white paper,
black letters;

But watching uneven blocks
made me uneasy,
the way they
fitted together
like a row of houses
on the blue lines
that ran across my paper
blue lines
that tired to define
the borders of my mind;

But they should have known
I was born of the sea —
She was afraid of the deep
but there she dug
from dearth
the earth
found
on her own
volition —
Mama said
you are not
the victim of
condition —

So I step in the shower
and let the cool water run,
and there, I wash the weight of
yesterday — out of my hair,
down
the curve
of my spine
and watch it
stream away —

A release —
Silent peace —
To shed away
The pain of yesterday,
The pain in my chest
and in my mind
watch it all
fall
to
the
ground
leaving behind,
the memories of love,
and how I felt,
every moment —
— every minute —
every moment —
the feeling in it.

– the poem I wrote to myself when I chopped off my hair — on a Sunday

Goodbyes

My mum always says,
That sometime goodbyes are necessary;
Like when I was seven,
And she stopped holding my hand;
Not because she stopped loving me,
But because she resolutely believed
That the greater part of loving someone
Lies in the resilience you show
When you let them go.

– goodbye for now

Twenty-four

This is the year you turn
twenty-four;
the year you figure out
that
more
isn’t always
what we make it out
to be;
that sometime I wonder
if you ever think of me,
while lying in bed
a head full of stars
staring up at the
ceiling in the sky,

The year you learn that
you could fly
all this while
but had walked
instead,

But your feet have taken you
this far you feel
grounded — in
sanity is a crazy
thing to think that
we were born
of the same whom
that carried me,
after you
that we were
taught to love
by the same
heart that
broke mine.
And yet I find
the sound of
your voice like the
clarity
of windows
after rains,
windows
through the pain,
window
to twenty-four —
the year you figure out
that less may
sometimes
be more.

       – my brother turned twenty-four this year

 

Bodies Over Words

The bane of my existence lies in you.
Your
Alluring,
Stirring,
Blurring Blunder,
Thrown Under,
The Thrashing Assault of Your
Roaring Thunder —

Lost! Lost!
Can’t quite comprehend,
As certain, ascertain, understand,
Skin to skin,
No words in between —
What do you mean
When you say
You love me
With my mind
to
myself.

Explain to me
With words,
Why I continue to love
When you only give
Part of what I
Deserve.

But until I find the lines
That delineate —
My life —
From yours —
The chorus —
Of voices
In my head,
Choosing me instead
Finding life without
Your love —
Agreeable
Amenable
Everything I need
To fall away —
Skin to skin,
What do you mean
When there are no words
That separate us
in between.

Roots

Please pardon,
These roots that run
Through the garden,
Of our home.

Two children
Pretending —
We’d struck gold
As we hold
Onto these roots
that run
the weight
of home.
Beneath my hands
Ran the rush
Of feelings never told.

These feelings that we’ve buried
Deep inside,
Chosen to hide —
Not by will,
But by way,
The ways of this house
That we’ve grown to hold
But you see —
Part of growing old
Is learning to unlearn
These stories we’ve been told.

Now that we’re older,
Can you still recall?
The tall branches brushing in its sway,
Lit by the lingering light of day,
How our fingers felt the earth and found
These roots —
That run the weight of this home.

A visceral clarity
Sincerity
Two children
In a garden
Forever etched in my
memory.

– to my brother

A Silent Kind Of Love

Do you know
what it takes
to be a father?
Detached from the child from birth;
As if it’d landed on earth;
From another universe;
Not for you to hold,
But nevertheless you told — yourself
As you watched her sleep
In your arms of despair,
Watched her little lungs
Ventilate the air,
That surrounds you,
And wraps their arms around you,
And forces you to breathe —
To seize —
Every moment,
Till you’re down on your knees —
Your life, no longer yours alone, to own;
Your world and her world
Somehow intertwined,
Yet, you find — yourself
Lost on the roads she chose to tread,
The paths she chose instead — of
The tarmac you’d laid out for her,
The world you’d built around her;

But you see,
To me, it’s perfectly clear —
Being a father is not
The being here
But the staying here
In her heart
When she’s
free
fall-
ing
limbs
flail-
ing
in
des-
pair
wind
rush-
ing
through
her
grace-
less
hair
Noth-
ing
to hold
onto
but
a feeling —
The feeling that you’re there.

You see these shoes,
Soiled from the earth I tread,
The paths that I’ve chosen instead,
Behind me, the night is gaining ground,
So tired of staying guarded,
I lay my eyelids down —
To hear the sound,
Of waves rushing towards me,
And pulling me in,
Running its cool waters
Over the burns of my skin,
Sensing where I’ve been,
Washing away the depths of my sins.

The warmth of your current
Surrounds me;
Wraps its arms around me;
And just for a moment
I’d like to lie
Here in,
In the arms
of your
ocean.

– to my father who taught me
                 how to love

Slow dance

I fell
like a
flight-
less
bird,
hap-
less
limbs,
desp-
air,
cut-
ting
through
the
air,
wind
rush-
ing
through
my
grace-
less
hair,
I closed my eyes,
And felt my body
plummet
into
the end —
But then, I felt it,
It engulfed me,
Wrapped its waves around me,
Calming my trashing body,
I felt myself,
Sinking, sinking deep —
Into serene blue
It was you,
It was you, I felt
Moving through the current,
Suspended in a different
Kind of air,
No longer a victim
But a player,
You see
These waves lick lavishly at the burns of my skin
Sensing where I’ve been,
Invites me in — to dance
In the arms of his ocean.

Full Circle

I believe in revolutions,
Like the way
a circle
always comes
back to
one,
The way
the world
revolves
around the
sun,
The way
the waves
pull back then
rushes straight
back
in,
The way
Your touch’s
left lingering
under my
skin,
The way I
pour my
heart
into the
sea,
Believing
she will find
her way
back
to
me.